Today we’re going to bust another myth. And the myth we’re going to bust today is whether women truly desire a man with a larger penis. This is something that I think men are concerned about. Why do I think men are concerned about this? Because I got thousands of questions about this from men. Men worry a lot about the size of their penises, and we’ll talk about this in another myth-busting event, but today we’re going to ask the question whether women are really concerned about the largeness of the size of the penis of their partner. Now it’s not surprising, of course, that men are very concerned about this issue because they are. It’s very important to them, the size of their penis, and since sex is very important to men, and men are very interested in physical attributes, and very interested in the physical attributes that women find attractive, they would certainly ask about that kind of thing or be concerned about that kind of thing. Since men are so visual sexually, and we know that visual stimulation is very important to men sexually, they tend to use visual stimulation to activate and arouse themselves. This probably is not just something that they prefer in an ordinary kind of human way, but it probably dates all the way back, evolutionarily, to our beginnings as a species, and as mammals. The human species is part of the evolutionary mammalian line, and we are hunter-gatherers, and the males are hunters, and when we were cavepeople vision was a very important thing to men. In order for a male to be able to impregnate a female, he must have an erection, in order to get his sperm in the right place. It’s important for him to be able to be erect as quickly as possible so that – especially in the olden days, long ago – he could impregnate a female as quickly as possible because there were lions and tigers and bears, and other males around who would be very ready to take his place. And so vision is, evolutionarily, a very important part of the stimulation process for men. Men are more easily visually aroused than females, so the physical parts of women arouse a man and get him ready for impregnation and reproduction. So it’s very important to men, the visual aspects of sexuality and a female’s body. So therefore they would feel that visual aspects are very important for females. Actually, they’re not nearly as important for females as they are for males. Women are much more, in general – and of course we’re always talking generally because there are always individual differences – but women in general are much more turned on by touch and smell than men are. So since a man’s penis is so important to him psychologically, and so important to his sense of virility and masculinity and sexuality, it’s probably quite natural that he should think that it’s very central to women’s evaluation of him as a sexual partner. Since most people think that bigger is better, and particularly Americans are into that idea, I’ve found that men are very concerned that their penises are not large enough, and that women must prefer men with a larger penis. But really – what does the data say? Let’s go see if the scientific literature has anything to tell us about this question.

First of all, there’s been a relatively recent study of 375 women in the Netherlands who had just delivered babies, and they were asked what importance did they attach to the size of the penis of their partners. And they were asked a number of other questions about the sexual functioning in their relationships. Now here’s what they said. 77 percent of them (that’s more than 3 out of 4) reported that either penile length was unimportant to them or very unimportant to them. And only 1 percent of these women – that’s 1 out of 100 – said that penile length was very important to them. The women’s opinions about girth – that is, how large a penis is around – were the same as length, although there was a little more importance put on girth than on length. Now let’s keep in mind that these researchers were not asking the women about the relative importance of penis size in relationship to other men’s attributes – physical, mental, and psychological. They were just asking about the importance of penis size. So let’s see what research tells us about what women do find is attractive about men, or parts of them, both physical and otherwise. But first, let’s see what men say when they’re asked what they think women find attractive about men physically. When they are asked what they think women find attractive or admire in men, men say, first of all, muscular chest and shoulders. That’s number 1. Then they say muscular arms. Then they say a large penis. 15 percent say that women really admire most a large penis. And fourth is tallness, with 13 percent of them saying that that’s the most important. Now when women were asked in the same survey what they thought was important, or what they admired physically about men, number 1 by far was buttocks. Backsides. Interesting! So women are attracted to men’s backsides. Number 2 was slimness. Number 3 was eyes. Number 4 was a large penis with two percent – only two percent mentioning large penis. The next one was muscular chest and shoulders, with only 1 percent, and not one woman mentioned muscular arms – zero percent. Now in another study, when women were asked about physical attributes that they found sexually attractive they reported firm muscle tone was number 1, well-groomed hair was number 2, a clear complexion was number 3, and white teeth was number 4. Now that’s kind of interesting because if you notice, all of those things are something that you could attain. You could get firm muscle tone by going to the gym – and you could have well-groomed hair by taking care of your hair every day, and you could have a clear complexion – there’s lots of ways of doing that, by taking care of yourself, by eating right, and if necessary by going to a dermatologist and doing what’s necessary. There are things you can do to get that. And of course white teeth are something that everybody can attain – it’s easier and easier nowadays. There are things that you can buy even in the drugstore to do that. So these are all attainable things that almost every man can get.

Now another study told us that, all things being equal, most women will choose the tallest man over a bunch of men that all are equal in every other way. So tallness is something that women find attractive. But another study showed that given a choice among all physical factors, even with tallness, women would choose handsomeness over tallness. So they’ll choose the man they think is the handsomest even if one of them is taller than the other, they’ll take the handsome one over the tall one. A British study asking women about body parts and what’s most sexually attractive to them, women said that the most important thing was the man’s face. And then came his hair – hair seems to be important – then shoulders – although nowadays people like no hair at all, too – and then came chest – shoulders and chest were pretty much the same – and then came hands. So having your hands clean and well-cared for is important.

But there are a lot of non-physical factors that women list as sexually attractive, so these are very important too. They include the willingness to share emotions and thoughts, a good sense of humor, and dependability. Those are very important attributes that women find sexually attractive. And another study reported that the most valued general aspects, by women, were personality and intelligence. Still another study, asking women about men’s most sexually attractive traits revealed that again, being well-groomed, showering daily – I tell you, women do not like smelly men, and a lot of studies tell us that they do not like smelly men, so BE CLEAN and smelling good, not perfume-y over being dirty, you first have to be clean – and keeping physically fit are important attributes that women find sexually attractive. And again, all attainable. So you guys out there can do it! Again, attractive psychological traits included a sense of humor – it comes up again – being sympathetic – she likes you to listen to her, don’t talk about yourself all the time – having good manners, being helpful – women like it when you pick up the package, when you ask her if you can carry her purse for her; it sounds silly but it really counts, she doesn’t like to carry everything – and making an effort to spend a lot of time with your partner. This is very important. If all you’re doing is watching sports with your buds, and lifting beers, this does not make you sexually attractive. A woman likes to know that you want to spend time with her. This is very very important – this is sexy.

So what’s the point? Of course there are some women for whom penis size is important, just like there are some men, if they don’t have a woman with large breasts, they can’t get it up. But that’s a small group. Most men can be attracted to lots of women with lots of different characteristics. And for most women, penis size is very very low on their list of priorities, and for many of them, it’s not even on the list at all. The best news is that the most important attributes for a man, that make him attractive to a woman, are things that he can actually work on and attain himself. They’re attainable in the gym, and they’re attainable in the bathroom by using the shower. So exercise, be clean, smell sweet, be helpful. Sounds a little bit like a Boy Scout, doesn’t it? Get a good haircut, be polite to her and her family, share your feelings and emotions with her, spend time doing things with your woman, and you’ll go a long way to being her ideal man and you’ll likely make progress getting closer to her bed. And when you do find yourself with her in her bed, ask her to tell you and to show you what makes her feel good, and enjoy the process and it’s very likely that her estimation of you as a lover will be gargantuan.

© 2004