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I am 38, married four years and together eight. I don't have any sexual desire. I've talked with my husband but he told me it's in my mind. The problem is that I know exactly what he is going to do at any moment - how many strokes, etc. Can you get bored of sex? He's not into foreplay and usually waits until I'm asleep, or just before I get up for work. He rolls over and is ready. Am I doing something wrong? |
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Yes, you can get bored of sex and no, you're not doing anything wrong. The reason that you don't have any sexual desire is that your conditions for good sex aren't being met. Everyone has conditions - things they need in order to get in the mood. Your husband's conditions most likely include his natural erections (in the morning), his fantasies (he's prepared himself inside his head), or simply lying down on a bed next to a woman.
Your conditions may be more complex (and usually they are). They could include a romantic dinner, candle light, sweet nothings in your ear, body kissing, etc. Without these things (or whatever your particular conditions are), it's difficult for you to muster desire or get in the mood.
It's time to have a talk with your husband. Agree with him that yes, it's all in your head, and that you need some help changing your mind. Let him know that things move too quickly from sleep to sexual intercourse for you to catch up with what's going on. Suggest some changes in your sexual routine. Ask him what turns him on and then tell him what works for you. Tell him what the reward will be - a wife who is turned on, participating and enjoying herself, rather than someone simply lying there waiting for it to be over. |
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